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advance thoughts for the unknown future

I should be thinking and planning for my classes next year

But noooo. My mind decided to think about other thing.And it’s so ridiculous since I’m still an active member of the international single society.

With so many wedding invitations from my friends and cousins these past few weeks, I think it’s the best reason to explain why I’m currently browsing through pictures of wedding themes. Even one of my bestie is married and is now an expecting mother. =_=”

malay pair 1
And while thinking about it, I kind of wish that my (still no where to be found) husband has quite a fair skin so that I don’t have to think much about him when I have to pick on colors for our wedding outfits. Yep, I think too much for things that is still yet to be seen

But I found the theme of my interest. I’m gonna go for vintage kind of wedding~ with black and purple as the main colors



Most probably there will be no engagement. Straight away to wedding kenduri to save time and cost. Being the bride usually cost a lot more than being the groom when it comes to Malay weddings. I want to make things as simple as possible. When my big bro married my sis-in-law, her family held 3 kenduri while we only held one. Imagine the amount of money and energy spent for that. And I’m sure by the time it’s my turn to get married, my parents won’t be as energetic as they are now. I’m not going to burden them

I gotta stop this nonsense and start being serious about the new life I’m going to start next week

it's gonna take some time

The reason why I'm not able to continue my writing right now is because I'm now working as a teacher in a girls' school so far away from home. I miss my cats, my parents, my bros and my bed. To add up, I'm also a warden. So I'm kinda busy as there are a lot of things to be learned and trying to adjust. I haven't touched my fanfics ever since my convocation last Sunday and I don't think I'll be able to continue it in the near future. 
Please pray for the best for me, and pray that I'll have the motivation and inspiration to continue my fanfics writing. 

writer's block

I know I've been saying to myself that I'll continue to write Charade once my bro's wedding ceremony is over-- and that was one week ago. Now, all I've been doing whenever I open the draft of chapter 4, this happens:

My main problem is not the idea. It's more about extreme lack of inspiration and I can't really make the words flow. I keep on writing and erasing the sentences and ends up with zero progress. And it sucks. 

I also have a little idea on Castor/Razette from 07-Ghost. I've been wanting to write something about this pairing for almost a year, and now that I have some ideas, I'm not going to let it pass without trying to write it. 

So to Charade readers, all I can say right now is this: 



Disclaimer: Uragiri wa Boku no Namae o Shitteiru is not mine.

Pairing: Shusei x Touko.

Word count: 3102 words.

Beta-ed by: stargate27.

So yeah, I continue writing this. Because I'm currently unemployed and have free time. =)

.:part 1:.

.:part 2:.

                 Shusei shifted his position for the tenth times. To him, the room felt warm—too warm to his liking. The weird part was that his room was never this warm before. Slowly, he opened his eyes. When he was about to sit up, his movement was halted by a hand wrapped around his torso.

                “It’s still early, Touko-chan…” mumbled a person next to him who then hugged him even closer.

                The brunette’s eyes now went wide opened. He quickly sat up—ignoring the weak protest by the other boy and examined his surroundings. The bed, the pillow, the room itself wasn’t his. And was that vanilla he smelled? Since when did his room smell like vanilla?

                “Touko-chan…?” asked the other boy sleepily.

                The brunette looked to the boy at his side. Wait…if Tsukumo was here and kept calling him Touko, then…

While his heart thumped wildly in his ribcage, Shusei collected the courage to look at himself.

A pair of pink rabbits printed pajama, a long strawberry blonde hair, a pair of hands that were quite smaller than he remembered…and boobs.

He had boobs!

Jumping out of the bed, Shusei reached for the mirror on the table.



                Touko was awakened by the lack of warmth that had accompanied her before she had fallen asleep. Searching for Tsukumo, she noticed something was different about the bed. She rubbed her eyes and instinctively tried to brush her hair away from her shoulder when she realized that her long hair weren’t there. In fact, her hair was short. Her body also felt…quite sluggish. The girl then noticed that she wasn’t wearing her favourite pajama.

                “Tsukumo?” she called for her brother, only to be shocked by her own voice.

                Wasting no time, she ran for the nearest mirror and screamed in denial. Within seconds, the door was forced open by none other than Hotsuma.

                “What’s wrong, Shusei?” the blonde asked frantically.

                “I’m going to kill Isuzu!” Touko replied and ran out of the room, leaving the confused a Hotsuma behind.


                Shusei almost collided with Touko—no, himself—wait, Touko in his body in the hallway. Both Zweilts stopped in their tracks and examined themselves in amazement. When their eyes met, a faint blush appeared on both faces.

                “Touko-chan, what’s wrong?” Tsukumo rushed up to his sister—or better said Shusei in Touko’s body.

“I’m Touko!” Touko tried to explain, standing across her brother. “Can’t you sense me?”

“And I’ve told you already that I’m Shusei,” Shusei in Touko’s body added.

                “WHAT?!” Hotsuma’s voiced roared behind Touko. “You’re Shusei?” he asked Shusei and took a few steps closer to the boy who resided in Touko’s body.

The silver haired boy exchanged his gaze between Touko and Shusei. “How’s that even possible?”

                “Isuzu,” both Touko and Shusei answered at the same time. “Remember when he suspiciously joined us for tea yesterday?” Touko added.

                “He was being normal,” Hotsuma said.

                “Too normal for Isuzu,” Touko said venomously.

                “He didn’t pester Luka. He usually never leaves Luka alone whenever that guy is around,” Shusei said analytically. “He always wants to do some sort of experiment on Luka.”

                “But why us? Why would he want to do an experiment on us?”

                “I think he made a mistake,” Tsukumo suggested.

                “He always makes a mistake when things like this happen,” Touko said.

                “Hotsuma, why are you prodding me?” Shusei suddenly asked, alerting the others.

                The blonde stopped his act and pretended to be cool. “Nothing. I’m just checking.”

                “Don’t touch my body, you idiot,” Touko warned.

                “I’m not interested in a noisy girl like you,” Hotsuma interjected.

“If you really want to check, you can just ask,” Shusei tried to stop the two from continuing.

Tsukumo raised his hand and asked with poker face, “I have a question for Shusei. If you are really Shusei, then you’re the only one who can confirm this. Is it true that Hotsuma joined choir team when he was in elementary high?”

Hotsuma’s face turned a bright shade of red, and he grabbed Tsukumo’s collar frantically. “What kind of question is that, you jerk?!”

“He was in choir team?” Touko asked in disbelief. “Is it true?” she looked at Shusei.

Shusei let out an exasperated sigh, “Well, he—”

“Shut up, Shusei,” Hotsuma snapped. “How did this conversation ends up about me? I thought you guys are on your way to kill Isuzu?”

Touko and Shusei looked at each other as if they just remembered it.

“But I still want to know whether it’s true,” Tsukumo said.

                “Case closed!” Hotsuma barked and he dragged Touko towards Isuzu’s office.

Touko landed a punch on the blonde’s head for touching her. “I don’t like to be touched by you!”

It took Hotsuma a few seconds to remember that he had taken the wrong person with him. “How do you expect me to remember that you’re that short girl when you’re in my partner’s body?!” Hotsuma replied and tried to fight back— only to be dragged away by Shusei.

“I’m that not short!” Touko barked and continued to glare as they all continued to walk towards the doctor’s office.


                Tachibana tried to suppress his grin. It amused him to see Shusei (who was actually Touko) sat beside Tsukumo with their fingers intertwined. Hotsuma and Touko (who was actually Shusei) were sitting oddly quiet like a couple who had just been in a fight. Lately the two partners seemed distant, as if they were avoiding each other. But he would come to that issue later. What’s important here was to make sure that the teenagers in front of him wouldn’t kill the doctor who liked to dig his own grave. So far, the doctor had only been beaten nearly to death by his new…victims.  Tachibana liked to keep it that way.

                After a long hour of interrogation and scenes that were only seen in a wrestling match, Isuzu’s life had finally been spared after he admitted that he…had ’accidentally’ mixed a new drug he had been creating into two of their drinks a day earlier. Shusei and Touko were just unlucky to be the ones to drink them. To make things more miserable, he needed a few days to make an antidote to reverse the effect of the drug. In short, Shusei and Touko had to live in each other’s bodies until further notice.

                Of course Hotsuma (being the most possessive—no, protective partner) didn’t let the matter go without a fight so now Isuzu was working very hard on the desired antidote. Well, for as far as the doctor’s badly battered body allowed him to do so that was.  In any case, Isuzu learned one valuable lesson out of this whole fiasco; It was better never to test in the Twilight Mansion a drug that could change human souls— especially when it was tested on Zweilts.

                And so, both Touko and Shusei had been living awkwardly as one another. The most embarrassing and awkward situations had been when they had to go to bathroom or to wash up. Tsukumo and Hotsuma had been very, very protective toward their partners’ bodies and in the end Touko and Shusei finally snapped due to the extreme lack of privacy and sensitivity. I’m sure I don’t have to paint you a picture here …


                “You walk like a girl,” Hotsuma snarled at Touko while they were walking toward the school.

                “Well sorry for not acting like a boy. Wait, I am a girl, you idiot!” Touko replied half whispered.

                The girl walked faster, taking Tsukumo with her. The last thing she needed right now was to have a fight with that idiot whilst she was already so frustrated with the current situation. Hotsuma tried to retort back when he was stopped by Shusei who was obviously still being very awkward in Touko’s body. The bright blush on Shusei’s face was so apparent that Hotsuma almost thought that the one in front of him was just another girl confessing her feelings to her crush. If only Shusei could show that kind of face more in front of him rather than being…well…too Shusei.

                “You still haven’t explained to me why you are avoiding me,” Shusei said and stared straight into his eyes.

                The blonde avoided eye contact. “I’m not avoiding you.”

                “Then explain why you’re fighting.”

                “I didn’t fight with anyone.”

                “Explain why you’re so worried about them knowing about the choir?”

                If Shusei was in his own body, the blonde would have punched him without a second thought. “I’m not worried—”

                “Then I guess the message I sent to Tsukumo was ok—”

                “I thought it was a karate club, ok?!”

                Shusei stood in front of his partner, hand folded with authority. “But it wasn’t.”

“So what?!”

“And you stayed in the choir club for a year.”

“The teacher didn’t let me change my club!”

“You even became the lead singer at one time.”

                “Enough with the choir club!”

                They both went silent as a few students looked at them with curiosity.

“Now why are you avoiding me?”

                Hotsuma made a quick calculation in his head. With Shusei in Touko’s body and blushing like that, he couldn’t discuss such matter with his partner now. It wouldn’t feel like he was discussing it with his partner. “Shusei, why are you blushing?”

                The colour on Shusei’s face turned brighter. Just then, the bell rang.

“We’ll talk during the break,” the God’s Eyes ordered before he rushed into the school’s building.

Hotsuma couldn’t help but stared at the way Shusei tightly held his—her skirt while he—she walked. God, this was so confusing. Why couldn’t they just skip school?


Shusei closed his phone and examined his ‘new’ classroom. It was hard for him not to stumble on his own legs as he walked in those heels and wore the ridiculously short piece of cloth that girls called as a skirt. How did Touko walk with them? Didn’t she feel embarrassed or comfortable, especially in this kind of weather?

On top of that was there Touko’s God’s talent. Even since he stepped out of the Twilight Mansion, he had been listening to all sorts of voices from people around him. It strongly reminded him of the time when he first discovered his ability. His senses (in the present time, his hearing sense) had become too sensitive; too hard to be controlled. He could only pray that Touko was doing better than him. Earlier this morning, he overheard a chat from Touko’s classmates about her. It surprised him to know that his so-called relationship with Touko had caused many of the girls to be so jealous of her in negative ways. With her ability, there was no way she couldn’t know about this. How did she do this again?

His phone vibrated for the third time and he stared intensely at the message. He needed to find Touko after this. But first he had to find his partner, or the blonde would avoid him for the hundredth time.

“Isn’t that Usui-kun’s phone?” a girl in front of him excitedly asked.

He stared at the girl dumbfounded, “This is mine.”

“Please, I’ve been stalking Usui-kun since...forever. I know what I’m talking about!” Shusei backed away almost immediately, feeling very insecure by her confession. “Did you two exchange your phones?” she continued enthusiastically.

“Of course not—” Shusei answered defensively, until he remembered that he was in Touko’s body. “I mean, I bought a new casing. Now that you mention it, I just realize that it’s the same as Shusei’s.” Thank God he was an expert in faking a smile.

“Isn’t it cute to have the same phone colour as your boyfriend?” the girl said dreamily. “I wish my boyfriend would be more like Usui-kun.”

Shusei could only fake another smile and thought; No, it’s not cute. First reason: you stalk me. Second: I’m not Touko’s boyfriend. Third: This conversation tires me. And it’s boring.

“Are you still fighting with Usui-kun about your fat?” the girl next to him asked.

The question instantly attracted his attention. “What fight? What fat?”

“The one you talked about the other day. I saw that you guys didn’t walk together this morning. Speaking about it,” the girl paused with a sly smile. “I saw the way you and Renjou-kun chat this morning!”

Shusei frowned. “Yea…What about it?”

The two girls in front of him shared a same grin. “You are having an affair with Renjou-kun!”

Suddenly the boy lost his words. “W-w-whaat?!”

“No way!” one of them exclaimed. “You’re blushing! So it’s true!”

“No I’m not!” Was he really blushing? “Hotsu— Renjou is only a friend! H-he…”

“He what, Touko-chan?” the other taunted mischievously.

“He…he looks after Tsukumo. So I’m just thanking him for that.”

Their happy expression turned bored.

“It’s always about Tsukumo-kun, isn’t it?”

“Open your eyes, Touko-chan! You’re dating Usui-kun! One of the hottest guys in the school! I’d do anything to be in your shoes!”

The boy shifted uncomfortably. “W-why don’t we talk about the…the fat war that you talked about just now.”

Shusei pretended to listen carefully as the girls explained to him about the ‘fat fight’. Mentally he added the girls into his ‘girls-to-be-extra-alert-for/stay-away’ list. As his eyes drifted outside of the window, he saw Touko tiredly walked across the hallway.

“I have to go,” Shusei announced and went after Touko.

The excited squeals that followed after didn’t miss his ears. So didn’t the negative thoughts from his self-proclaimed…crazy fangirls. He would tell Touko to be careful with that group of girls later.


                Touko tried to solely focus her gaze on the floor, staying away from unwanted images from people around her. Temporarily having Shusei’s ability was starting to make her sick. And here she thought that being able to listen to things around her was tiring and horrible enough. Her head hurt for two different reasons. For now, she just wanted to find Tsukumo. She didn’t want to burden her brother with her problem, but he was the only one she wanted to see right now. At least, with the presence of the other God’s Ears bearer, she could feel at ease.

She vaguely noticed a hand that grabbed hers before her own voice made the floor less interesting and she looked up.

                “You ok?” her own body asked.

                God, this soul switching business was so tiring and confusing. Isuzu had better found the cure by the time she got home or his death would be on the front cover of the local newspaper tomorrow. Sensing her distress (and also seeing a suspicious bump on her forehead), Shusei took Touko somewhere where he could spot Hotsuma before the blonde tried to escape him again.  

                “Tell me you didn’t bump your head against the window,” Shusei asked.

                The girl quickly hid the bump under a brown bang. “W-What window?”

                “Just admit it.”

                The two exchanged the same glare before Touko whined in her usual way (which sounded very odd in Shusei’s voice). “Fine. I miscalculated the distance. I forgot that I’m in your body and the stupid window ‘launched’ itself on my—I mean, your forehead. Happy?”

                “You hurt my body, how do you think I feel?” Shusei challenged.             

                “Delighted?” Touko challenged back with a feigned innocence. The boy raised an eyebrow, daring her to talk more. “Sorry.”

                Shusei looked at his watch, then at the opposite building, trying to locate his partner. “I have to go and find Hotsuma. Will you be ok?”

                “Yeah, just…I don’t know. Feels like the first time I discovered my ability. I just don’t feel right…like…I don’t know…”

                “Like all your sight has become too sensitive?”

                “Sort of.”

                “Just…don’t look at things for more than 5 seconds. That usually helps.” The brunette stared at his fellow Zweilt. “And postpone all the meetings I have with the students’ council today. I need to talk to you about something after school.”

                “Can’t you talk about it now? It’s hard to pretend to be you and talk about school stuff all the time.”

And you think it’s easy being you; wearing a skirt in this kind of weather and talk about fat and boyfriends with your friends? Shusei thought silently. “Not now. Are you really ok? You look like you’re about to attack and kill someone.”

“Yeah, yeah,” the girl waved her hand dismissively. “I’ll live—and so does everyone else. If there’s someone I would like to kill right now, it’d be Isuzu. I just need a fresh air.”

After nodding to the girl, Shusei turned to leave. His heart almost stopped when he lost his footing and fall towards the stairs. Instinctively, he tried to grab something to break his fall but found nothing. If he survived the fall after this, he wasn’t sure whether he’d survive being killed by Touko for injuring her body. So he closed his eyes and waited for the impact— which didn’t happen. Instead, he found a pair of arms wrapped around his torso.

“Are you ok?!” asked a voice.

He looked up to see his own worried face. Huh, he didn’t know he could make that kind of face. Touko sure didn’t hide away her expression.


Touko was being too close. As if she could read his mind, Touko’s face turned red and the two awkwardly back away from one another. They didn’t dare to look at each other’s face.

“D-did you hurt yourself?” Touko finally asked awkwardly.

“Yea—I mean, no. I’m fine. You?”

“Yep. Ok. Great.”

“Great. So…I should go.”

He walked away as fast as he could.

Across the hall, a pair of golden eyes glared intensely. Hotsuma watched the entire scene and tried not to punch anyone or anything within his reach. Growling, he left with a hope to find something to distract his mind from what he had just witness. A few minutes later, Shusei arrived to the room where he and Hotsuma had promised to meet and looked for his partner. His sixth sense was still working, and he knew Hotsuma was there moments ago. He could just feel it.

He dialed the blonde’s number only to be greeted by the voice of the operator. 

Shusei let out a worn-out sigh. He was tired adjusting with his temporary sensitive hearing, and he was tired with Hotsuma’s avoidance. He just needed his partner; someone he was really familiar with to talk to. Was it too much to ask?

He walked towards the window and examined the surrounding. Closing his eyes, Shusei was determined to find Hotsuma using the power of God’s Ears.

~to be continued~

Sorry if the chapter was confusing. I tried my best to make it less...well, confusing. I have the plan for the next chapter, but I’d really, really like to hear your opinions and suggestions.

Disclaimer: Uragiri wa Boku no Namae o Shitteiru is not mine.

Synopsis: Shusei and Touko agreed to pretend like they're dating.

Pairing: Shusei x Touko.

Word count: 1838 words.

Beta-ed by: stargate27.

This fanfic may or may not be continued. It depends on the feedback/suggestions I get, my laziness, writer's block and the free time I have. Suggestions and constructive comments are always welcome. =)

Soft murmurs hovered around the classroom throughout the day, and for Masamune Touko, though it was nothing new, those meaningful glares given by the girls in her class still made her nervous. At times like this, she really wanted to be with Tsukumo. Screw the main house’s orders. Everything was already perfect when she had her brother with her. They only ordered her to be together with Shusei, not to abandon other people, especially Tsukumo. Speaking of the other guy, her mood turned sour. She was very sure that Hotsuma’s bratty remarks had finally rubbed off on Shusei.

“Just because he’s skinnier than me, it doesn’t mean that I’m fat!” she abruptly exclaimed.

The other girls stared at her sudden outburst. Crap, did she say it out loud?

“What? Finally you guys have a lovers’ fight about your…fat?” one of her friends asked.

“Eh?” another one exclaimed. “Seriously? Did Usui-kun really say you’re fat?”

Uh-oh, Touko mentally slapped herself. “W-well…technically he didn’t say it like that…” but he did imply it, she was sure of it…she thought. “—Hey, what’s the name of the thingy that they usually put in the cookies to make them crispier?”

“Don’t change the subject, Touko. It’s not that your cooking skill has improved now, is it?”

Sometimes Touko just wished that she could use her power against people who make fun of her cooking skills. Come on, it wasn’t that bad. Hotsuma quickly recovered from his cold after he ate her porridge a few months ago. It had a special healing power that was similar to Yuki’s.

“So when did you two finally decide to become an item, huh? As far as I’ve stalk— I mean, I’ve been told Usui-kun has been quite busy these past few weeks.”

There was no chance for her to escape from this, was there? This was why she hated to parade her charade with Shusei in front of the school.

“Yeah, it just happened. Nothing special,” she tried to maintain her smile.

“I’m so jealous of you for being with Usui-kun. He must be very nice to you, right?”

You mean other than mentioning the forbidden word to me? Touko silently asked. “Yep, he’s very nice.”

“So now that you’ll spend most of your free time with Usui-kun, can I officially take your position as Tsukumo’s—”

“NO,” Touko immediately interjected with a cold stare that instantly silence the girls. No one allowed to be her Tsukumo while she was still breathing!

When the wind blew sakura petals into the class, the morning’s incident flashed in her mind, enough to cause an unknown blush to reappear.


It can’t be the school’s gardener, Tsukumo mused while he ate the cookies given by the man who was in his early 30’s. He’s too nice to be the spy and there was nothing suspicious about him. He’d checked on the man’s background, and while he pretended like he was interested in gardening, his eyes traveled around the man and his working surrounding and had he listened to anything suspicious. The man was clean and knew nothing about a person that suit the characteristic of the people from the main house. Plus, the cookies that the gardener shared with him were one of the best he ever ate. Lunch time almost over, and Tsukumo knew he had to ask the most important question.

He stared straight to the man’s eyes.

“Where can I buy these cookies?”

The gardener laughed, and told him.

Definitely a good, innocent man.

                At the roof top, Hotsuma glared at his fellow Zweilt. It seemed like Tsukumo had already started his investigation. To tell the truth, what they were doing was quite futile. Like it or not, they were bound to the rules of the Giou House. Even if they found out who the spy was, what could they do to the person? Kill him? Brainwash him? Fight him and threaten him not to mess with their lives? The blonde would choose the first option, but disposing off the body would take a lot of efforts. Unless if Shusei agreed to make a barrier to hide the body. But for now, he really wanted to know who the spy was.

                Speaking of the brunette, Hotsuma had been avoiding him for a few days now. A part of him was angry at Shusei for so easily agreeing with the main house’s arrangement. Shouldn’t the brunette at least wait for a few days— or discuss it with him? Weren’t they partners? Then again, this was Shusei he was talking about. Shusei wouldn’t share this kind of information with him. Still, he was mad at Shusei. The brunette had agreed to marry Touko for the sake of the clan. The thought of Shusei being forced into marrying someone he considered as…wait, who was Touko to Shusei? The two were too comfortable around each other to be friends, yet they weren’t that close to be considered as lovers either. Partner? But he was Shusei’s partner.      

                “Will Tsukumo join us?” Yuki’s voice interrupted Hotsuma’s train of thoughts. “I brought extra pudding for him.”

                The blonde turned to face the God’s Light. Yuki was pampering Tsukumo way too much in his opinion. “I don’t know. He said he had something to do.”

                “Is that so…? Then…” the smaller boy looked quite shy. “…do you want to eat his share?”

                Under normal circumstances, he would have just declined and walked away. But since he was the only one available to protect Yuki, he just had to stay and try to enjoy it. The strawberry blonde boy smiled upon giving the pudding to Hotsuma. As their fingers accidentally brushed against each other, the happy smile faded into a sympathetic one. Yuki had seen the things that were upsetting his friend.

                “I’m sure this is not permanent,” Yuki said. “Nothing is absolute in this world. The future can be changed.”

                Hotsuma stared at the unopened pudding. 

                “We will win this war, and then change the rules. I will make sure that it will happen.”

                And being perfectly fine with them attempting to kill Reiga who had been like a brother to Yuki these past few years? Or just simply ignored the orders given as if it wouldn’t affect them? That sounded convenient. Hotsuma thought bitterly.

He shifted his gaze to the school students’ council’s meeting room, taking a peep at Shusei.

Yep, he was so going to punch a punk or two to ease his mind.


                His eyes didn’t miss the look given to him by his partner from the roof top. His heart clenched. Having this power made him feel like he had been cursed. He felt like a bug trapped in a spider’s web; seeing things happening in front of him without having any actual control on them. Frankly he was tired of it.

He absent mindedly put his hand on the scars hidden beneath the fabric of his school’s uniform. His responsibility towards Hotsuma had finally ended with the arrival of Yuki. So what was left was his responsibility as a Zweilt; and that included agreeing to marry Touko, though both he and Touko were just acting like they had agreed. They believed that their future was theirs to determine, though their pasts were screwed.  


When the main house had unexpectedly called for all the zweilts to come for dinner that weekend, Shusei knew that the main house was really, really serious about marrying the two. And this got confirmed during the dinner.  The elders kept talking about him and Touko and by the look on Touko’s face, he could understand why she kept staring at her chopsticks as if she wanted to stab her ears with them. The pressure was strong.

Hotsuma left the dining room not long after that, with fresh bruises on his knuckles (though he tried to hide his hands in his pocket throughout the dinner); obvious evidence that the blonde had been involved in a fight recently—no, not a fight. Maybe two to three fights. He knew Hotsuma enough to know that one fight was never enough to calm the blonde. Shusei mentally wrote a note in his mind to force his partner to spill the truth later.  


“I still don’t understand why they want us to be in the same car even for the trip back to the mansion,” Touko grumbled telepathically beside Shusei. “I know they desperately want us to be together but arranging our seats will not help.”

Shusei was asking himself the same question. He wanted to be with Hotsuma; threaten his partner with everything he had so that the blonde would tell him the reason for his recent fights. Hadn’t Hotsuma already stopped doing such immature acts months ago? Why had he started again then?

“Did you have a rough week?” Touko suddenly changed the topic.

“You mean other than sitting in the same room with the elders?” the brunette thought for a while. He did notice many boys in the school looked heartbroken (as if their girlfriends left them) but he hadn’t really paid attention to it. He never did. He had enough things to be thinking about being in the school students’ council. “The usual I guess. You?”

Frankly, ‘going out’ with one of the most wanted bachelors in the school was very tiring. The stares she received itself were enough to suck the life out of her. She didn’t think she could carry on with the charade if this continued. Fangirls were scary. Period.

“The usual,” the girl lied. “You look tired.”

The statement reminded Shusei of Hotsuma. His partner always noticed his tiredness no matter how good he hid it, “Yea, I went to the police station today. Unlike some other people, I don’t prefer to wear make-up to cover up my tiredness. Some sleep will do.”

Really, Shusei? Make-up? Just what had happened to the polite Shusei that she knew? Or was it just Shusei’s true nature to say those kinds of words? “Are you saying that I’m wearing too much make-up?”

“I don’t think I said that. Why? Do you wear thick make-up?”


“Then your argument is invalid.”

Touko felt defeated for no reason. Or maybe because of the subtle naughty smirk on the boy’s face. Both of them turned silent, staring at the road outside; wishing that they could just jump out of the car and run away from their duties as Zweilts so they could go and to find their own happiness without ever having to look back.

“Hey, Shusei?” Touko then spoke in a serious tone. ”Do you really believe that this war will really end, and we can have the control over our lives?”

The brunette looked at the strawberry blonde girl for a few moments before answering. “Yes. I believe so.”

Seeing a soft smile formed on Shusei’s face, Touko couldn’t help but to smile too. They’ve been hoping for a better future for so long. How much could it hurt to hope for more?



It's been centuries since the last time I updated this. 

Nothing much happened lately. I finished my degree, being unemployed, Belang passed away, Molly is now a mommy and caffeine has been nothing more than my sleeping drug. Seriously, I will be quite a zombie after I drink caffeine. My new sister in law is at the same age as me, and the house is currently quite a mess since it's under renovation. So there's nothing much I can do but to online and do some fanfic writing. I'm now waiting for a reply from my beta reader on my Captain America's fanfic and I hope it won't be long. I'm also thinking of another chapter of Charade, but my writer's block is still haunting me. 

Honestly I'm not really a diligent gal, so Mom is quite amazed at me whenever I come up with something new for dinner. Heck, I myself am amazed. It's just that I'm bored with the same food so I just need to recall back on the taste of food I tasted from restaurant before and do some experiments. And most of the time, the taste of the food are not bad. 

I refused to login my facebook because if I login, there will always be promotion on new, affordable, 'pwetty' handbags & dresses that I definitely can't buy. Sure, I have the money (but I’m unemployed, thus I have spend the rest of my saving wisely), but I don't really have the space to keep them anymore. Same thing goes to my books. And my perfumes. I’m trying to keep things at minimum amount (goodbye my comics), especially since my room will be used as the newlyweds’ room in September. I’ll have to move to a smaller room sometime soon.

My sister in law suggested that I do internet business like doing decorations for wedding or something. But this is business we’re talking about.  And I’m a big fat loser when it comes to business or money related. I’m thinking of applying for a part time at my alma mater sometime next month. So let’s just pray for the best.

Just some random idea I got when I was in a meeting room. The idea of Shusei with Touko seems too tempting, yet I didn't know whether I'm going to continue this or not. It all depends on my free time and the responses I get. Plus, I'm currently busy with my teaching practicum to think too much about it.

Suggestions and constructive comments are always welcome. =)

Disclaimer: Uragiri wa Boku no Namae o Shitteiru is not mine.

Pairing: Shusei x Touko.

Synopsis: Shusei and Touko agreed to pretend like they're dating.

Word count: 905 words

Soft, pink petals flew around the boulevard as if they were dancing happily. As the sakura-scented air soothed the feelings of whoever walked by, it failed to soothe the feelings of groups of students. Murmurs were heard everywhere. But for the two subjects of the talks, there's nothing that could affect them except the presence of Yuki in front of them. Well, ok, so they lied.

"Remind me why do we have to do this again?" Shusei asked, keeping his indifferent face.

Toko smiled and adjusted her hair, "You mean other than shutting the mouths from the main house who has sent a spy to the school?"

"And we should just follow whatever they asked us because…?"

The girl just smiled at her friend. She knew that he had the answer already. But at times, she asked the same question to herself. Would it be better if she defied the order? It wouldn't change the fact that they had to face the same destiny over and over again; Living with the same group of people; Fighting against the same group of people. So which part of obeying the main house's order helped them to change their future?

"Let's just say…" the girl smirked mischievously. "…that it's fun to see Hotsuma being restless about this ordeal."

Shusei stopped on his track and thought about his partner's attitude these past few days. He's been in a bad mood and acting like a sulking child who doesn't get to play with his favourite toy. So the blonde acted like that because of him and Touko? But wasn't he was fully aware of the responsibility they have to perform as Zweilts?

"Shusei-kun?" Touko called. "We're going to be late for school."

The brunette stared at the girl in front of him. Not far from them, Tsukumo took a quick glance at the two of them while pretending to be listening to Yuki. Everything was still normal, except for the fact that they have to pretend like they were a couple. Or the fact that Hotsuma has stopped barging into his room in the morning to drag him to the dining room for breakfast. Speaking of the blonde, he hadn't seen him since yesterday.

"Is everything ok?" Touko asked worriedly when the brunette remained silent.

"Nothing," Shusei finally answered. He walked towards the girl as his hand went to her bang. "You got a flower petal in your hair," he explained with a smile, putting the petal on her hand.

Excited gasps and squeals were heard and the act caught the girl off guard. This kind of act wasn't in their agreement. All they needed to do was act like they're going out together, like walking to and from school together. Or showing some sort of excitement when they chat. But this…this was new. It's not that she'd never been in this kind of situation before. She always did it with Tsukumo. This was supposed to be normal for her. Was it because it was Shusei?

Wait, wait!

What was that heat she just felt on her cheeks? Did she just blush? As quick as she could, she turned around and laughed like an idiot.

"Ahahaha, I just put it there on purpose, silly!" she tried to cover her traitorous blush.

For some reasons, she knew that Tsukumo's eyes were fixed on her. And as she looked up, the boy sent her a sad smile. It brought nothing but guilt to her heart.

"Hotsuma," Shusei's voice brought her back to the reality.

The blonde walked behind them, his sling bag hung loosely behind his back. His ever present frown wasn't as intense as usual, but she could tell something was bothering him.

"Good morning, Hotsuma-kun," she greeted cheerfully.

"Ah," Hotsuma responded.

To everyone's surprise, he jumped and sent a flying kick to Shusei. As if expecting the attack, the brunette jumped backward and parried the blonde's punch like a pro.

"You left your lunch again," Hotsuma growled to his partner while shoving the brown paper bag to Shusei.

"Why, thank you, Hotsuma. I didn't know you love me this much," Shusei teased with his usual smile.

"Very funny," Hotsuma replied annoyingly and walked towards Yuki and Tsukumo, leaving the two Zweilts.

"It's weird when he didn't put up more of a fight like usual," Touko said.

"Nah…he is showing more fights than usual," the brunette answered. That's why he didn't prolong the verbal fight longer than usual, he mused silently.

"But he's right, Shusei-kun." Shusei stared, daring the girl to continue. "You're too thin."

The two continued walking in silence. Touko felt a bit restless. Did she say something that she shouldn't have? Then again, Shusei was always like that; always kept his true feeling to himself. The only person who managed to make him talk would be Hotsuma. If her comment offended him, he would have told her…right?

The question hovered in her head until they were about to part to their respective classes. Suddenly, Shusei took her hand and their bodies were too close to her comfort.

"If I'm too thin, Touko-san, would you mind giving me some of your fat?" the brunette whispered and walked away with a mischievous smile as the girl was too stunned and shocked to move.

D-did she hear it right? Did Shusei say the most taboo word to girls all around the world? Did he just say that s-she's…FAT?




DN Angel's fanart

Just a little drawing I did to make sure I won't fall asleep in class. It's from Katherine Daystar's fanfic Phantom Destiny. It's from chapter 37 where Satoshi and Risa discuss their situation. 
Sorry if the hands and legs look so...ugly and all. I'm a sucker when it comes to that part in sketching.

DN Angel's fanfic: It Will Rain

The edited version of the fanfic.

Disclaimer: DN Angel is not mine.

Pairing: Satoshi x Risa.

Synopsis: Without her, it will rain.

Word count: 2258 words.

Inspired by Bruno Mars’ It Will Rain. Credit to stargate27 for pointing out my silly mistakes.

The small beeps from the heart monitor filled the silence. Hiwatari Satoshi stared at the rain outside— the rain that hadn’t really stopped since last week. And since last week, the girl in front of him hadn’t opened her eyes. She had been unresponsive after the accident. There’s nothing much the doctors could do until the sleeping beauty wake up. With shaky hands, he held hers and prayed for some sort of miracle to happen. He didn’t ask much. He just wanted her to open her eyes, her lips to form the most beautiful smile in the world and those small arms to provide comfort for him. Was he too greedy to ask for such things?

Maybe it’s greedy— after what he’d done to her. He was not a jealous type of person. In fact, he never really cared what other people thought about him. Guessed that’s the thing that tore them apart. His indifferent and coldness had finally cost him something that he finally held dear to. He was greedy for asking more from the girl that hadn’t giving up on him; the girl who hadn’t stop from opening his heart to the world. Sure, he and Risa had been going out (if those ‘coincidence meetings’ that ended up with short coffee breaks and dinners passed as dates) for almost a year. But just how many times did he appreciate the girl for spending her time with him? How many times she’d keep her smile even after he’d coldly ignored her?

It sure surprised him to find her standing outside of his door with two big luggages one morning saying that it’s time for her to shift into a new phase in her life after she found her dream job. Damn her tarot cards for giving her the ‘brilliant idea’. Though they’re staying under one roof, Satoshi’s cold demeanor was still the same. The two did their own things more like roommates than a couple.

His anemia had been the major contributor for their progress. Thanks to its attack one morning. He was preparing himself to work after finishing his all night investigation when the symptoms began to appear. Brushing his bang from his sweating forehead, he swayed dangerously before a wave of dizziness swept gravity away from him. He must had blacked out, instinctively grabbed something to break his fall and made a loud sound because the next thing he knew, he was on the floor with his head resting on Risa’s laps. His mind was too fuzzy to understand what she said, but he was sure that the girl was on the verge of panic attack as she kept crying and talking frantically with someone on the phone. His heart clenched seeing those tears falling down her face, but he was too weak to move. He vaguely remembered her embraced him, saying how cold his body was before Daisuke and Riku turned up later with paramedics tailing at their backs. That night, Risa shyly stole a kiss when she thought that he was unconscious.

“Don’t scare me like that again…” she had whispered.

And so, Satoshi had kept reminding himself to treat Risa better than before, though establishing good relationships had never been his forte since he was young (not to mention having a maniac blonde resided within him had made it all a waste of time). Risa’s cooking had slightly improved, and it had encouraged her to prepare dinners for Satoshi. That’s why he always brought something as backup in case his dinner turned into charcoals. Yep, you read that right. He’d changed his diet to accompany the brunette to make sure Risa wouldn’t die from hunger— or food poisoning. But one thing that the blunette failed to notice was the fact that he tended to go home earlier than the time before Risa moved in—or the fact that he’d slowly crawled out of his solitude.

Everything seemed to be fine, until he found her staring at a familiar raven-black feather. Almost everytime he saw her with the feather, she’d held it dearly with a sad look on her face. He brushed it off, fully aware of her affection towards the phantom thief. Though there’s a twinge of jealousy, he knew the brunette had now chosen him…right?

“Am I Dark’s substitute?” Satoshi asked, his gaze remained on the steam coming from the coffee mugs in front of him.

“What do you mean?”

“What exactly am I to you?”

          With that question, Risa’s sweet smile formed. “Isn’t that obvious? You’re my boyfriend.”

The blunette was silent for a while, “I saw the way you look at the feather.”

With their intertwined fingers loosen and bodies which pressed against each other for warmth earlier separated, Risa turned her head to look at Satoshi with wide eyes. The sound of the rain filled the silence as Satoshi looked at Risa’s pale face. Her smile faded.

“I’m not mad that you still have feelings for him, Risa. Or that you still keep his…memento. But I don’t understand why you look at it with that sad expression when you thought I wasn’t looking. If it hurts you to be with me, then we better end this relationship.”

“A-are you saying we should break up…?”

The blunette rubbed his hand on his cheek, reminiscing painful past that he wished he could forget. “I’m everything that he’s not. I can’t give you the same happiness he gave you. I can’t give anyone happiness.”

“You know that’s not true! The months I’ve spend my time with you is the happiest time of my life, and I want it to continue. So stop talking nonsense!”

“And keep remembering him in such a way that says you still mourning for him?”

Risa couldn’t retaliate. It’s true that she still mourned for Dark. Didn’t they say that first love is the deepest? But it didn’t mean that she didn’t love Satoshi. Why should he be mad about someone who was no longer here?

“What’s the use of spending your time with me when you’re thinking about him everyday? Why are you here when you know your heart still belongs to him?”

Tears were forming at the corners of her eyes when she slapped him whole heartedly. Satoshi didn’t flinch. He just stared at the floor without a word.

“I come because I love you, you jerk. Isn’t that enough to be here?!”

The girl ran to her room. The door slammed shut against the thick tension.

Next morning, he heard her room’s door opened, followed by the sound from the entrance door. It didn’t surprise him to find that she’d left with all her belongings. But it hurts to remember those tears on her face. He had made her cried, twice. And it hurts so much thinking that the person he cared the most had walked away from his life.

He stood in front of her empty room for some time when he noticed a pair of white feather and black feather lay on the table. With one glance Satoshi knew they belonged to Dark and Krad. He knew about Dark’s feather, but he didn’t know that she owned Krad’s too.

And he stared.

He didn’t remember when he ran out of his apartment, driving aimlessly for Risa. He called her handphone numerous times, only to be greeted by the operator when she didn’t answer it. He’d called Riku, but she told him that Risa didn’t come home. She didn’t come to work too, leaving him with no clue. When he tried to call her friends, he noticed that he didn’t know any of them. He knew some of her close friends at school, but most of them had moved out of the town. That’s when he realized that he didn’t know much about her as much as she knew him.

He opted to walk under the heavy rain, thinking that it’s better than being stuck in the traffic jam with small chances of finding her. He searched everywhere, every place that Risa loved to go, but there’s no trace of her. For the first time, Satoshi felt so hopeless.

He hastily picked up his handphone when it rang, with the hope that the caller was Risa.

“Hiwatari-kun,” Daisuke’s shaky voice spoke. “Risa…h-her taxi involved with an accident this morning—”

His phone slipped from his shaky hand. Daisuke’s voice could be heard calling for him, but he was too stunned— too lost to notice it. His mind screamed one word; Risa.

It’s his fault that Risa was in that situation.

She might die from her head injury.

She wouldn’t walk away if he didn’t start the argument.

It happened because of him.

Like his mother, Risa’s suffered because of him.

All. Because. Of. Him.

A firm grip on his shoulder startled the blunette. He wiped the forming tears with the hope that the other guy wouldn’t notice.

“How long have you been here?” Daisuke asked with a small smile.

“Some time,” he replied tiredly.

“Want to grab a cup of coffee?”

Satoshi hesitated for a while before he stood up, “Yeah, sure.”


Noises around the cafeteria didn’t faze him. Seeing how depressed his friend was, Daisuke tried to cheer him up with news about his new project and art exhibition. Satoshi made a few responses before he seemed to be lost in thoughts. Daisuke stared at his friend, fully aware that the bearer of his former arch nemesis was blaming himself for what had happened. It amazed him that such a smart person would be in a total loss when it came to the girl who once said that she hated the blunette. Then again, who wouldn’t? Risa was one of the few people who he opened himself to; the only girl whom he had an interest in. And the girl was now lying on the hospital bed, injured, unresponsive and separated from the world in her sleeplike state. Riku had been unwell and depressed too, but at least Daisuke knew how to console her. But Hiwatari Satoshi? The last time he acted like that was during the school years, when they were still…’enemy’.

After a lot of persuasion, Daisuke managed to drive his friend home.  Satoshi insisted that he was fine on his own and slipped into his apartment, leaving his worried friend to unwillingly depart. Closing his apartment door, Satoshi rested his back on the door and slid down onto the floor. He suddenly felt so tired.

“You’re late today. Hectic day, huh?”

Satoshi looked up, expecting to see the brunette stood in front of him. But he was greeted with silence and darkness. The apartment suddenly felt cold, empty and suffocating without anyone to greet him home. Then again, wasn’t that normal for him before?

During his quick shower, he couldn’t take his mind away from Risa. The pain of seeing her in that state plagued him so deep that he wasn’t able to focus on anything else. His headache started to annoy him that made him walked out of the shower and went to search for pain killers behind the mirror. He took a couple of them and drank it down.

“Aspirin? I’ve told you not to overwork yourself.”

He glared at the source of the voice, yet again, nobody was there. Risa wasn’t there. God, he must be very tired to imagine such things. Washing his face for the last time, he went to the kitchen to get something to drink. The rain outside still falls rhythmically. His gaze fixed on a red apple on the table, but he took a bottle of mineral water instead.

“You’re skipping your meal again.”

Satoshi closed his eyes, praying that the tormenting fragment of memories to disappear. He was afraid that he would go crazy. Hell, he must have already been crazy now. Without Risa, there would be neither sunlight nor clear sky.  Without her, everything seemed bleak and empty. Rubbing his aching temple, he walked into her room and sat on her bed. There’s no place in the apartment that could make him forget about her. She had been a part of the place; a part of his life. Every corner reminded him of her that it felt so wrong without her.

Why? Krad would have asked disgustedly if he was still around.

He didn’t say anything as unstoppable tears streamed down his cheeks.


Week two, and Satoshi had stayed with Risa whenever he’s not working. He didn’t want to go back to his apartment. It’s just too overwhelming. The doctors didn’t give him any hope too, making him even more miserable.

He met Riku earlier that day and the she didn’t look that please with him. She must have known he and Risa had a fight before she left his place. He’s always amazed by the twins’ telepathy. How they could feel each other’s pain was beyond his knowledge. He didn’t blame her, of course. Risa wouldn’t be in that situation if it wasn’t for him.

Now that he’s alone with Risa again, he took her hand affectionately. He sat beside the bed and put his forehead on her bandaged ones.

“I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused,” he whispered. “So please don’t say goodbye…”

He awkwardly kissed her pale lips. It wasn’t exactly like the one Risa gave him, but it was the only thing he could give. He didn’t ask much. He just wanted her to respond; to tell him that he’s doing it the wrong way.

His vision blurred as warm tears formed. The girl remained unresponsive.

“I love you, Risa. Don’t leave me...


Constructive comment will be highly appreciated.